Weary child

                    I find I'm drifting. Out in empty space somewhere I am unfamiliar with. People who anchor me are drifting themselves. Trying to understand why life as they knew it is no more. Refusing to admit that maybe just maybe they are actually ill. Unwilling to take the steps to correct the illness. This attitude is partly justified, past experiences with our wonderful medical industry did physical damage, as well as shook their faith in the medical industries ability to heal. Remember the oath is do no harm, more than once in my life I have witnessed first hand harm done. It is frustrating to know that the problem has a solution but it will not be utilized because it is only a theory, experiment. Medical industry has no proof that the things there are saying will actually fix the problem. They are experimenting on me. Having been through cancer treatments myself, the cure is devastating, physical it puts your body through horrible changes. The disease takes its toll mentally. Both leave you and your body permanently changed. But doing nothing and letting the disease take you is worse. Fight no matter how tired you are FIGHT! Illness does not just kill you it does it slowly and with great suffering for all involved. And so I am drifting wondering when my anchor will touch bottom. I am very aware and grateful of and for my faith. I go far afield sometimes but the grace of God always cradles this weary child.
                    Just thinking out loud for all the world to see........

                   
                   This is becoming almost comical but its so not funny. We are at each others throats seems like all the time now. Simple happen stance is end of the world chaos. You know the saying don't sweat the small stuff well the small stuff is monumental now, even if it's not. Yelling and red faced. Crying and gritted teeth. Who are we? Why do we treat each other so violently. Where has our compassion and understanding gone? We have all reached the point that we just don't care anymore and it shows in our everyday interactions. We treat we other like dirt. We used to stop and think before we snapped but now we just tear into who evers closest, if they are involved or not.Sometimes they don't even have a clue as to why they just got tore into. They are left reeling from the blow they just endured. Things done can't be undone. Words screamed in hatred can't be unsaid. Apologies only put a band-aid on a damn hole. Its better than nothing but its only on the surface. Have we become so bitter that callous is normal? Guess we have. Life will not be livable if things continue on this path. Stop and realize that there are still many many things to be thankful for! Bitterness will consume you if you let it. 
                       Just thinking out loud for all the world to see......... 

                     Its been a crappy evening. I yelled at my best friend, my husband and my bro-in-law, even hung up on him. This is extremely not normal for me. Over #*?! that don't amount to a hill of beans. and it had been a good day, or so i thought. but there i go thinking! that NEVER turns out well. yelling wow i hate to be yelled at so i've always tried my best not to yell at anybody else.tonight i did not succeed. no excuses only apologizes. i'm sorry everyone and i apologize too.
                     just thinking out loud for all the world to see.......

blood maple tree

                    A bit of original gibberish........

when i die bury me deep beneath blood maple tree

plant  tigerlilys at my feet

 and sweet alyssum for my pillow sheet

no fussing and fretting will i have

maybe sing a few sad songs

and that will be that

tell funny stories of do you remember  when

laugh  cry throw me a great wake

no sorrow for me should there be

for i have gone home you see

once i am planted beneath the alabaster stones

don't visit me there

it is not my home

 only for the of resting my bones

you can talk to me often

 but not at the grave

close your eyes smile and wave

see me there in your memories

know i am happy whole and free

and waiting for you

 to come home to me. 

                Just thinking out loud for all the world to see......................

There isn’t an invisible committee of maniacal minimalists somewhere conspiring to force everybody to get rid of their material possessions.

Like your stuff? Keep it!

Find value in that wardrobe teeming with unworn clothes?

That closet brimming with mismatched bath towels?

That basement abound with un-played-with toys?

That garage stuffed with collections of trinkets?

That shelf overrun by dusty DVDs, CDs, VHS tapes?

Great! Hold tighter if you feel so inclined. Permission granted.

You have permission to keep anything that adds value to your life.

And you have permission to keep anything that doesn’t.

But you also have permission to let go.

You have permission to clear the clutter.

You have permission to remove the excess—the clothes you don’t wear, the junk you don’t use, the things you hold on to just in case—and focus on what’s truly important to you: health, relationships, passions.

Either way—you have permission.

Of course, you don’t need anyone else’s permission—only your own.

By Joshua Fields Millburn & Ryan Nicodemus · Follow: Twitter, Facebook, Instagram


         I have been following the Minimalist for about a year now. I have played the monthly challenge once, its hard and fun all at the same time. I have so much junk it didn't really make a dent. LOL. Just thought I'd share with whoever happens to read my gibberish. If you'd like to read more you can find them at minimalist.com
        Just thinking out loud for all the world to see.......


4/19/2016
 Just an update I no longer follow the Minimalist, the reasons are my own and no reflection on Joshua and Ryan.They do not need my support to continue their good works.

                       

                                        Do you like to cook? Most people I know don't, they like to eat but not the drudgery of preparing it. I guess that's why restaurants are so popular, all the food none of the drudgery. I really like to cook. I hate the question, "What are we going to eat?"!!! The decision process for finding out what we'd all like to eat is tiresome.This is usually asked when we are going out to get lunch. I started asking, "What don't we want to eat?" This question helps narrow the field down greatly. When you think about it the choices are mostly the same just different names over the establishment door. Hamburger,chicken,sandwich,pizza. We eat out alot because the task we do everyday really doesn't allow for bringing our lunch. I guess we could but we don't. There's every kind of restaurant imaginable in the area around the hospital so we are only limited by taste and wallet. But it is still the same food. Gets old, fast. Oh well, time to ask and answer the annoying question again,"What are we going to eat for lunch?!?!?


                                         Just thinking out loud for all the world to see.........