Reflecting

                                I was a deacons' daughter. Conservative Southern Baptist deacons daughter. Teaching Sunday school to 1st graders and assistant in junior church at the age of 15. I remember getting a little mad at my Mom because I wanted to dye my hair and she wouldn't let me because of the example it would set for the kids I taught. I didn't understand her philosophy then. I guess I kinda understand it now, at the age of 42, but sometimes I'm not sure.  I taught at church in one class or another from the age of 15 till my mid 20's. We had a rotating schedule for the nursery. Sang in the youth choir and then graduated to the regular choir, for many years. I loved singing but never thought I was very good. Always used the verse, " make a joyful noise. " My dad, the deacon, was my Sunday school teacher for many years. The preachers wife was also one of my main teachers for most of my growing up. When I was able to return to the role of student in my twenties, I had a very none conformist southern baptist divorcée bachelor for a teacher. He challenged my traditional up-bringing, made me question why I believed what I believed. He supported my beliefs, He just wanted me to understand what I believed and why I believed it,and not just because it was what I was raised to believe. Some Sundays we had a gripe day, time to unload on how lousy our weeks had been, and then time to reflect on how thankful we were for the blessings we found, once we looked back over it.  Hindsight is always 20/20.
                              Just thinking out loud for all the world to see...............

Sunday the 15th

                    Not fit company for dirt. Have had killer headache all day. This school adventure is consuming. Gee, when we were in high school we had six classes five days a week, and still had a life, I realize I am old but it's all I can do to keep up with four now! There is no time for a life! I am having a ball though. Most days I don't know if I'm coming or going but I am chasing a goal, not so much a dream, but definitely a goal. Dreams are things we'd love to accomplish, goals are things we will accomplish to the betterment of ourselves and the benefit of those around us. Dreams are for our enjoyment. My friends and family are keeping me grounded, when I get to see them. Not so much motivated, I am able to keep myself motivated, I just look in the mirror and say to myself, "remember  why you chose this path." and keep plugging away at whatever subject I am not comprehending at that moment. Math is a struggle, I HATE MATH!!!!! I think it hates me too! But I move forward ever forward. Meeting new people as I go, and constantly learning, the subject matter and myself. Life is hard, but life is GRAND!!!!!!!
                    Just thinking out loud for all the world to see............

Selfishness

                  Selfishness is something I can say I have been accused of, but very rarely. Usually, I get the opposite accusation, that I think of myself to little. I try to put others needs and interests before my own, I feel I have done this well. I have done many things because someone else wanted to do that thing, I have went many places because someone else wanted to go there. I don't mean to sound contrite. I did these things of my own free will. If I had been picking, no they would not have been my choices, but I enjoyed them and moreso, I enjoyed the pleasure it gave to the person who's choice it was.
                 I have made a very selfish decision in going back to school at the age of 42. We are out of work,so that is not an issue. But it has really put a lot on my husband, as if he didn't have enough on him to begin with. Caring for his father is a full time job, and that's with him in a care facility. His brothers work,so we do the majority of popsitting. With me in school full time, it puts the brunt of the care on him. He has been gracious, supportive , understanding, but  the situation is wearing on him and its only my third week of school. I'm looking at least two years, if not more before I graduate. If I graduate. I've been out of school over twenty years, this is a very hard in devour I have embarked on. Somedays I feel like I can conquer all of it, somedays I feel like its the biggest mistake I have ever made. Everyday he tells me I'll get it, I'll do fine just need to study harder. He's in my corner 110%, he is my coach, my pep squad and my biggest fan. I only hope I don't let him down.
                   Just thinking out loud for all the world to see...............

?!?!?

        The day you realize that a grain of sand has more intelligence than you ever will.
           Just thinking out loud for all the world to see......