Selfishness

                  Selfishness is something I can say I have been accused of, but very rarely. Usually, I get the opposite accusation, that I think of myself to little. I try to put others needs and interests before my own, I feel I have done this well. I have done many things because someone else wanted to do that thing, I have went many places because someone else wanted to go there. I don't mean to sound contrite. I did these things of my own free will. If I had been picking, no they would not have been my choices, but I enjoyed them and moreso, I enjoyed the pleasure it gave to the person who's choice it was.
                 I have made a very selfish decision in going back to school at the age of 42. We are out of work,so that is not an issue. But it has really put a lot on my husband, as if he didn't have enough on him to begin with. Caring for his father is a full time job, and that's with him in a care facility. His brothers work,so we do the majority of popsitting. With me in school full time, it puts the brunt of the care on him. He has been gracious, supportive , understanding, but  the situation is wearing on him and its only my third week of school. I'm looking at least two years, if not more before I graduate. If I graduate. I've been out of school over twenty years, this is a very hard in devour I have embarked on. Somedays I feel like I can conquer all of it, somedays I feel like its the biggest mistake I have ever made. Everyday he tells me I'll get it, I'll do fine just need to study harder. He's in my corner 110%, he is my coach, my pep squad and my biggest fan. I only hope I don't let him down.
                   Just thinking out loud for all the world to see...............