Initiative

                   Initiative: the ability to judge what needs to be done and take action. In other words:seeing what needs doing and doing it. Scene from house...... cleaning bathroom..... one head pops around door ,"what are you doing?"answer,"cleaning the bathroom."  second head pops around door, "why are you cleaning the bathroom?" answer, "because it was nasty and I was tired of looking at it." second pop,"why didn't you say something, I'da cleaned it." answer,"well you see it everyday too and haven't done it." second pop," I didn't think about it.You shoulda said hey clean the bathroom." first pop," It's called initiative, shouldn't have to be told to do it, should just do it." second pop," I don't have any of that." LOL!!!!
                We all lack initiative sometimes. Sometimes we aren't lacking initiative just the ambition to act on it. We all have to light a fire under ourselves sometimes just to perform the simplest of everyday tasks. Such is the chaotic world we live in.
              Just thinking out loud for all the world to see..........

Blur

                   One day just seems to blur into the next....get up......get through the day.....chase sleep for a couple of hours.....stare at a screen or a ceiling for the rest of night till morning breaks.... get up....get through the day etc. etc. Most of the time I really have to concentrate to determine what day of the week it is. Usually grab cell to see what month/date it is. Thankfully, I can keep up with the year. I am not alone in this blur, we are all pretty much living this way. We are physically exhausted. Mentally, we are skipping on one cylinder and dead missing on other three. But this is life and we hunt funnies to placate to blur. We laugh at the stupidest things sometimes but it keeps the one cylinder skipping along. I was always taught to do my best no matter what the task giving me was, you know "anything worth doing is worth doing well." I have tried to simplify my personal self and space to help eliminate the amount of disappointments I incur. Expect nothing then at least I am not blindsided, as much. People are going to do what they want, how they want, when they want regardless of what cost it is to those around them. I am no different. I am the most selfish person I know. I want what I want when I want it and pout like a child when I am told no you can't have that or no you'll have to wait. It's a good thing I hardly ever ask for anything , when I do getting told no is a true blow that hurts immensely.  But I guess we all see everyone else as getting to live life as they want except us. Go where they want when they anytime they want. But such is this life. Just gotta keep keepin on.
                                  Just thinking out loud for all the world to see........

Do you really see yourself?

                    When I was younger, tall n skinny described me well. My bestfriend and I used to joke by saying I'd give her 4 inches of height and she'd give me 4 pounds. We laugh about it now, 20 years and a few pounds later. lol I've been reading and watching a few things on the internet, it got me to thinking about how we perceive ourselves. From our body images to our intelligence. True beauty is unobtrusive. Growing up I got alot of ,"You make me sick your so skinny." It occurred to me to mind  but the people who used to tell me that were people who were supposed to like me so I tried not to let it bother me, but it did make me doubt myself. After all I didn't do anything to be the size I was, and they dieted constantly. Funny I never thought there was anything wrong with the sizes they were, guess they did. As I got older I realized that their problems weren't their waist sizes. Some of the ugliest people I have met had magazine looks,just lousy inter personal skills. Most of the people I know now want to be more than just a pretty face or six pack abs. I am fortunate to see alot of beautiful people everyday. They are all shapes,sizes,ages,shades and heritages. Their beauty radiates from their spirit. Some are blessed with what society considers beauty but it pales in comparison to their loving spirit. We all have different definitions of what we consider beauty. It seems society likes fake beauty. Photoshop is great, I have used it myself. Personally, I like the blur feature. I had smashing fun playing with all the things mine can do. The photos are great but not a true representation of who I am. Its fun to play act but when it becomes a lie others have to live up to then it is a problem. When you look in the mirror don't cringe and spot all the things society says are wrong. Instead really look at the person looking back at you with loving eyes, you'll be amazed at how beautiful they are.... how BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE.
                        just thinking out loud for all the world to see.......

Heat

                 Beautiful sunsets, crispy and cloudy.
                   A sleeping baby, a screaming monster.
                   Shapes that fade and flow as the wind blows
                   the clouds around. Streams of cotton candy
                   blaze across the sky. An autumn sunset in the 
                   middle of a early summer heat wave. 

                   The heat is oppressive like a weight not air.
                   The breeze is like standing behind a window ac unit,
                   blows cold on the inside but hot on the outside. 
                   The rain does not cool the ground only
                   steams the world around. Early rising does no good
                   the night does not cool either, the heat is constant.


                    Just gibberish. Just thinking out loud for all the world to 
                    see.....