Monday Oct.28

                  Life is insane. Once we think we have found the appropriate answers, darned if someone doesn't come along and change all the questions! Some days a body just can't seem to figure the ins and outs that  will gets us where we need to be. I knew math was going to be hard. That is an understatement!!!!!!!!! It is brutal!!!! It feels like no matter how hard I concentrate or have often I practice the formulas they just WILL NOT penetrate this thick skull. It will not retain them for more than mere seconds. The rest of school is hard but I am tackling it with obtainability. Math seems out of my reach no matter how hard I try. With out the math, the rest is all for not, pointless. All the effort just wasted. All the inconvenience it has caused will have been for nothing. I have faced down a few challenges in my short life but I think this will beat me. It turns me into a blubbering mess, to the point of losing hope and giving up. Right now it is an enormous obstacle in the way of getting where I want to be and I just want to curl up in a ball and cry like a baby! This will not help me conquer math in any way or make me feel better but right now it is how&what I feel like doing. I will as always plug along giving it my best but this is one time when my best may not be good enough to accomplish the task at hand.
                  Just thinking out loud for all the world to see...... 

Identity thief

                         Looking in the mirror, the reflection that I see
                         I do not know the person looking back at me
                         She is a beauty to behold
                         Even though she is mostly old
                         But she is not the reflection
                         of which I used to know
                         She is deceitful
                         She is manipulative
                         She is a liar
                         She is a thief
                         What I want to know is what she did with me?
                         I would like to have me back
                         A ransom note for my return
                         A map that leads to were the body lies
                         Opportunity to morn
                         A formal introduction to the person reflected there
                         She is not the girl for whom all used to care
                         The identity she stole
                         The life she over ran
                         Is one she should give back
                         Then return from winch she came
                         The grief that she has caused
                         The lives that she has ruined
                         All the heartache she has wrought
                         Leaving me to pick up the pieces
                         of the life that I once knew
                         The damage she has done
                         Leaves deep scars upon my heart
                        The hurt she has inflected on the few
                         of whom I love is enough to make
                        me wish she would leave and NEVER return.
                        That one day I will look and be more than
                        happy to see she is gone and no reflection
                        Will I see

 Just thinkin out loud for all the world to see...........
                        
                        
                       
                         
                       
                        

Yesterdays

                                  Do you live in the past? Are you constantly thinking if only I had done this instead of that my life would be so much better? But you can not say that with a certainty. A different bend in the road may have made your life, well, not your life. Hindsight is always 20/20. Because we know what we know now and we didn't know it then but would it really have made a difference in our decisions? Would you really make different choices if you knew the out come of your choices? Oh sure, everybody says if I had known I'd done things differently, but most of us would not .Sometimes its the journey more than the destination. The twist and turns of this life we have chosen are what keeps us on our toes. No matter how dull our lives seem to outsiders, we never encounter dull moments. There is always something going on, someone over turning the apple cart. The past is just that the past. Not a place to reside, it's a place to be from. A place to learn from. A place to retrieve good memories and funny stories. Everybody has a past, it's just not the place we need to live. Enjoy and live everyday in the present.
                                Just thinking out loud for all the world to see...........

1 October 2013

                        Well this road is looking like the end is coming quickly, math is murdering me. If I can't manage to get a handle on it, all the rest is useless. It's so frustrating! Some days you really realize that even the best intentions aren't good enough. September went out with a bang. But it had good news, all my scans came back negative. This is a good thing. And I get to have my port out on the 7th! woo hoo......... some tension relieved, threat is always there but you try not to dwell on it. 
                        Still trying to be open minded and look for opportunities to meet new people and experience new things. This is hard for me, I could live on a deserted island and be content with myself and the surf! But I am trying. For all the good it does me. I am trying! Forward ever forward.
                        Just thinking out loud for all the world to see...................