Wednesday the 28th

                 Time keeps ticking away, we move gingerly along. Most days go well but there are days that we'd rather not go through. The days we lose dear people, the days we lose are minds, the days the world loses it's minds. We all help each other get through the bad as well as fun times, but some things we must deal with on our own. Some issues no human can help us with. God, if we'll let Him, but no human being. We have to work through these things in solitude and sorrow. This is painful for those around us to watch, but all they can do is pray for us to get through it in as few pieces as possible. Sometimes we just carry the issues around with us, refusing to deal with or acknowledge that there is anything wrong. It prays on our subconscious, eating away at us a little at a time till it consumes us or slowly drives us crazy, unless we face it straight on and deal with it. Sometimes we have to determine what IT is so we can deal with it. Once we figure out what is wrong, if there is anything wrong, and deal with it, then we begin to come out from under the mess that the issues cause us.
                                 Just thinking out loud for all the world to see......

Worthwhile

                      Their are people in our lives that make it all worthwhile. Some are family some are friends but they make the grey days brighter. My husband. My husband is my main worthwhile. He makes it all worthwhile. I love him because I choose to. He drives me totally crazy sometimes but I do the same to him, so it all works out. The day I was diagnosed, I called to tell him what our doctor said(we kinda already knew just not confirmed),he lost it, I told him, " You can't do that, as long as you hold it together I'll be fine, you lose it I'll fall apart." He is my steady in my cruel crazy life. We are not perfect by a long shot, we have had our share of ups and downs, ins and outs but we have taken our vows literally, for better for worse in sickness in health for richer for poorer to love honor and cherish. We've grown distant and felt miles between us, we've aggravated the dickens out of each other, we have laughed at each other, with each other, we've helped each other through life's tragedies, hurt each other, held each others hand while life tried to demolish us. We live this life together. People look at us funny when we say we've been married for 15 years, I have tendency to wonder why, because to me it doesn't seem that long or a big deal. But in todays world I guess it is a long time. It just doesn't seem that way to me, we've both changed a lot over the years, but we are still who we were also. I know I am guilty of taking him for granted, as of late I have been correcting myself for doing so. He is a great man. He puts ups with me, I have been told he is a very lucky man to have me, but I disagree I am the lucky one. I am the lucky one to have him in my life. I don't tell him often enough how much he means to me or how much his support helps me. I don't give to him near as much as I take from him. I am the lucky one to have him to call my own.
                       Just thinking out loud for all the world to see........

?

                               Why is it most kids are either mommas boys or daddys girls? I can understand if you come up in a household where there is only one parent, that makes sense but if you come up in a two parent household or if its two households, but both parents are present why are we one or the other. I can't speak for my sisters but I was very much a child of both my parents, Mom's and Daddy's tomboy baby. I spent as much time with one as I did the other. They did not play favorites with their three girls, they loved us all individually and the same. When I was little my Daddy worked eighty hour weeks so he left before I got up and didn't come home till after I went to bed. So some nights I'd lie awake till he got home, then help him take his boots off and get playfully fussed back to bed. My Mom got up with him every morning, fixed his breakfast, fixed his lunch and some mornings she would go back to bed, but most of the time she would use the early hours as her personal time. She'd sew. She'd read. She'd design and every morning she would study her bible. Saturdays were my Daddy's day off from everything. He spent them hunting, fishing, gardening and generally puttering, usually with my Papa(his father-in-law) up until my Papa got sick. Its funny looking back my Daddy spent more time with his in-laws than with his on family, at least after I came along anyway. Sunday was a day of rest and worship. When I was very small, the whole family went to church together, as I got older, we all went at night and then only me and Daddy went, twice on Sunday, once on Wednesday. This pattern held till a few years after I got married. We ate dinner as a family as often as possible during the week but always sat down together for Sunday dinner. We used to pile in my Daddy's truck(all five of us) and just go riding, no destination, just out to the dirt roads, out to the country and ride the afternoon away. I went to work with my Mom, she took a job at the paper and then at the daycare she put me in. I remember I used to scream thru naptime till she came to work there( I was a brat). After she came to work there, I either didn't have to nap because I was with Mom, more often than not, or knew better than scream like that with her there, she kept a leather strap in her pocketbook. I was a brat, but not by todays standards, if I showed my butt in the store for candy, Mom would show hers, by spanking me on the spot. I'd ask and pout if told no but it only takes a couple swats to realize this is no fun, I think I'll mind from now on! My Daddy only had to threaten to take his belt off, he never spanked me and I think I was somewhere around fiveish the last time Mom did. They raised us all the same, no favorites, just individual time spent with each unique personality and family time as often as possible. We were all Mom's babies and Daddy's girls. And we all still are!
                                                   Just thinking out loud for all the world to see......

Aug. the 1st

                                  Finally, July is over with! May we all have a better August. I already know it is going to bring changes, for me at least. Not sure if they will be good or bad but definitely different. I know I should be somewhat uneasy about everything I've decided to jump into but I'm not, maybe because I'm not jumping into it. I have been thinking about all this for awhile, my husband finally said," if you going to do this, do it, if not shut up about it." So I shut up about it and started acting on it. Now here I sit on the edge of a new adventure for me, just an inconvenience for the rest of the people in my life. Especially my husband, "we'll never have time to go do anything together." and it leaves him taking care of just about everything with his dad. But I am moving forward. As we all should, forward ever forward. Duck when we need to, dodge when we need to, and return curveballs when life beans you with them.
                                              I've done a lot of reflecting lately, I guess because life has been so brutal. I miss seeing my great aunt and great grandmother, we used to run into them at the store all the time when I was a child. They moved out to the country and had a yard full of chickens with plenty of room for a tomboy to romp and play. Then every Saturday my Mom and sisters would pile in the Gremlin and head to Carolina, to my mamas. I was the youngest of all the kids, next closest was 8 years older than me. I was a spoilt brat. Funny how as a child you just don't realize how screwed up life is. Would love to be sharing a piece of hot buttered corn bread and glass of buttermilk with my mama. Watch my papa do the buck dance and try to teach me to yodel. The smell of hot tea.  Painting mamas finger nails and painting her wig mannequins. The taste of dumplings, the smell of the house on Christmas. The tree that took up the center of the living room. But we move forward ever forward. We become the great aunts and grandparents that create the memories for another generation.  Such is life.
                                          Just thinking out loud for all the world to see........