it's been a bad year. lost my father and my grand-daughter,so thankful we didn't lose our daughter too. finally got a diagnose of whats wrong with me, partially anyway, i have psoriatic arthritis. no cure just management for the rest of my life but at least i know whats wrong. think its effecting my mentalness. my head has been really really bad lately, hostile and weepy. no reason just random fits of crying. couldn't get my coffee yesterday machine was down, um i see coffee and smell coffee. it was like a personal affront, i got sssooo angry then burst into tears. couldn't sleep last night kept walking around the house weeping, for no reason. mentalness and oh so woe is me,felling so belittled and betrayed. i guess overlooked would be a better description. instantly mentally questioning the motives behind other peoples action. why are they doing these things? who are they doing them for because it certainly ain't for me. constantly waiting on the other shoe to drop. constantly walking on eggshells wondering what i am going to do next to piss someone off. seems breathing is enough most of the time. most days i wish the world would just stop. thats bad i know. i don't want to hurt myself or anyone else. but life is so screwed up, not just mine the whole worlds the same way.
........just thinking out loud for all the world to see........
