Bottlecaps, Snyder pretzels and Schweppes ginger ale. Strange combination? Well the pretzels and ginger ale were always on hand at the chemo clinic where I took my treatments. The bottlecap candies I started bringing with me after one of the nurses shared a story about a little girl who had went through treatments before me. The saline flush tastes horrific. No it's not taking by mouth but trust me when I tell you that when it is pushed through your IV or port, you taste it. I had the pleasure of it also having a texture. Yea me. Chewy rubber balloon. The taste and texture. The little girl would pop a jolly rancher in her mouth right before they pushed the flush through. Doesn't take it all away but it does help. Bottlecaps were my candy of choice to mask the nasty flavor. Just had to live with the texture. LOL To this day they are still comfort foods. They don't have any bad attachment to them just comfort. I was fortunate, my side effects were few. I did not lose weight, on the contrary, the steroids made me gain weight. Steroids had the worst effect on me. My middle sister, who was the first to go through treatments, also had few side effects during both her bouts with cancer. My oldest sister had the worst time out of the three of us. We all lost our hair. But bald is Beautiful. I am not being sarcastic, it really is. That type of baldness, a form of alopecia, to me is a sign of the strength to fight for your life. To give every ounce you have to remain here with all your loved ones. To keep living this wonderfully insanely dreadful existence. I write this as I sit here munching on Snyders pretzels, no Schweppes or bottlecaps but good just the same. Life can not be scripted no matter how hard we try to make ti turn out how we would have it happen. Life happens at its own whim in its own time. We are just along for the ride. Enjoy it. Live it. Meet each day with a brave face. It can beat you to death, it can keep you on cloud nine, most of us live it somewhere in the middle. Some days beaten, some days floating.
                             Just thinking out loud for all the world to see...........

                                      Trying to de-stress our lives is like trying to herd cats. The more we try to simplify the more complicated things become. Just when it feels like things are about to even themselves out, plop another unforseen drops on the scale, throwing things off balance again. We have just accepted the fact that off quilter is normal for us anyway.
                                     Lately, for me anyway, nothingness has become my stress outlet. I love music, ALL kinds of music, which doesn't bode well for some around me because they hate 99.9% of what I listen to so I just don't listen anymore.Even if music is on I've taken to blocking it out. I love to garden. Nothing like dirt therapy to help overcome lifes calamitys. But that to is meet with negativity. So I stopped playing in the dirt too. I know, I know I shouldn't let other people's negative outlook or attitudes dictate how I live my own day to day but sometimes I reach the point that I just don't see the point anymore.
                                  My husband loves to fish but bless him, it's not something he gets to do very often. Water is his greatest therapy, it settles him like nothing else. Floating down the river with no where to go and all day to get there. That's his kind of day. I have a fear of water which makes me very edgy when I go with him but I put on a brave face and go. I have a good time when I forget where I am. I like to fish to. They are quiet peaceful days, just water, poles,bait, a few chairs and good company. We anchor and fish from the boat or beach it and fish from a empty sand bar. But we haven't done this in a couple of years now.
                                  Life is beyond crazy. I stopped being surprised by what it throws my way a while back. Just take care of what I can as I go and hope what I can't will work itself out. No sense complaining about how things are. It won't help make this life better, it actually makes it worse. We all have our own handicaps so to speak and gripping about them ain't gonna make them go away, it only makes the loved ones around us miserable because they have to make sure things get done. No one likes how things are but bullheaded attitudes only make life harder. Do we like it NO but that is how things are and its best just to pray for the strength to endure and be thankful for the awful things that help us survive this topsy-turvy world we live in.
                                     Just thinking out loud for all the world to see..........