wordless

                       I need to write. I want to write. But the words will not form on the page only saline in my eyes. So many thoughts swirling in my mind, bad, worse and oh the ones that just really need to get OUT! The situation is only monumental in my little world.  in my little mind. I can't express what is up here in my head, I am not even sure what I am feeling. Bitterness comes to mind first. Impending what? loss? sadness? hatred? devastation? It seems so unfair. And yet there is a calm amongst the tempest. A very small spot of stillness. But I find no solace in the stillness. Only loneliness. Comfort is offered but it is not felt. I have been here before only not. I have felt this uncertainty before only not. The voices that scream in my head are frantic. And yet I am deaf and hear nothing. So they scream louder, demanding to be heard. I refuse. I do not like what they have to say, so I do not listen. I am not so naïve that I do not understand the gravity of the situation that they scream about. It does, however, seem quite unreal. All their screaming only makes it more surreal. That saddening nightmare you desperately want to wake up from. It is reality and must be faced. No one can stand in our place and face it for us, it is something we must face ourselves, not alone, but not with any one either. Arm in arm yet standing alone. However it comes it will be met with strength, looked at squarely in the face, feet planted firmly, shoulders braced for the blow. The path is rugged and dark. It climbs steeply. It turns sharply. Its destination is unclear. It is filled with loneliness amongst crowded ways. All this and still the words will not fall out, will not free themselves from my mind to express what is raging inside.
                              Just thinking out loud for all the world to see...............