Another twist of the blade here in my insane world. I am coping but barely. It's the strangest thing, I do not drink nor have I ever drank but the other night I could have drank myself into oblivion. The craving was almost overwhelming. Nothing alcoholic in the house and no money to buy any, needless to say I did not drink.  I would like to pour all this poison out of my mind. I can not so it will remain, seeping its blackness to every corner of what mind I have left. These have been trying years and there is no sign of any relief rearing its lovely head any time soon. I do not know how much more we can stand. I think of Job, but Job I am not.There is no happiness anywhere.There are no small joys hidden in these sullen days. There are no sparks to ignite anything. There is only disappointments and cringing every time the phone rings. There is only tension. Any good thing is smushed to smithereens. Any joy no matter how small is swiftly and utterly destroyed. Hope is a thing of the past. Sleep brings no rest. I am sorry for what sounds like a pity party and all the "oh whoa is me" but  I have lost the beauty in the sunsets and wonder of the sea. The glory of the morning is lost on me.
                           Just thinking out loud for all the world to see............