Realization comes in many forms, slaps in the face, startled, slowly creeping and quiet dawning. The other day I sat just thinking about how life had been going and I realized something that made me very sad and bitterly disheartened, it was a slow dawning realization. In my subconscious I guess I've always known just never wanted to admit my suspicion to myself. But as I sat and hashed over some of the little things I had witnessed, they began to add up to one big thing. Whats REALLY funny is these realizations have not dawned on the individuals involved.Well part of them anyway, part are very aware. I should scream my thoughts from the house top but being me, I will not.After all they are only suspicions of a VERY warped mind. One that has become jaded bitter and really shallow. Its not that I don't see, its more like I've stopped caring. This scares me because I do not like that I am becoming a just don't give a damn person. But I am so very tired of feeling like I am the only one who does give a crap. I watch all the liars and cheaters living happy lives and I plug along trying to follow the rules and treat others well to the best of my ability and constantly get the crap storms dumped on me. Gee I sound like a whinny brat.Sorry. My life is very good. I am well aware that there are many others who would be happy to walk in my shoes and live my great life with my wonderful family and friends. I seem to be gripping alot more lately maybe I should write more it seems to help release some of the blackness. My gibberish rattles around the empty spaces in my head causes trouble more often than not but mostly drives me crazier.

                                    Just thinking out loud for all the world to see...................